Authentic Tales of the West: Part 17

The Cure

Arnold Ashford’s Journal Entry #17

As soon as Dr. Teller got the entire infernal mixture into his mouth, I noticed he started backing away. The young man’s stomach almost instantaneously swelled out to where I thought his skin must surely give way and tear! And as fast as it swelled out, it ‘ebbed’ back to normal. But there was nothing else that was ‘normal’ about this.

His eyes widened like white plates and locked right on me for the briefest of seconds. The instant that I realized he was looking right at me his body convulsed with a violent shudder and he propelled vomit right at me from several feet away. The same uninterrupted flow of detritus continued for what felt like a minute; Dr. Teller would later tell me that it continued for 7 full seconds before abating. He continued to spew for several minutes afterwards, but I was so overwhelmed by the dreck that was thoroughly coating me that I didn’t even notice.

I did notice shortly thereafter a smell, an effluvium that started making its presence known. It was a wholly different stink than the one that accompanied the retching. It was then that the vinegar and gunpowder mixture exploded from his backside. The emulsion of vinegar and blood mixed up with the chemical reaction from the alkali poisoning resulted in Montezuma’s revenge unlike any that the world has ever known.

This was the most vile, disgusting, and odious abomination I have ever seen. And it was the most rewarding day of my life. I helped save a man’s life. A young man, with many days still ahead of him. A pathway kept open for a wife and children. For family and good work. I know that I am not a doctor, but I am writer. I hope to inspire others to find their noble calling. Life, in all its mess and ugliness, is simply…beautiful. What a wonder.

— Check back next week for a new entry in Ashford’s journal —